The ABC Poem by Spike Milligan

Twas midnight in the schoolroom

And every desk was shut

When suddenly from the alphabet

Was heard a loud “Tut-Tut!”

Said A to B, “I don’t like C;

His manners are a lack.

For all I ever see of C

Is a semi-circular back!”

“I disagree,” said D to B,

“I’ve never found C so.

From where I stand he seems to be

An uncompleted O.”

C was vexed, “I’m much perplexed,

You criticise my shape.

I’m made like that, to help spell Cat

And Cow and Cool and Cape.”

“He’s right” said E; said F, “Whoopee!”

Said G, “‘Ip, ‘Ip, ‘ooray!”

“You’re dropping me,” roared H to G.

“Don’t do it please I pray.”

“Out of my way,” LL said to K.

“I’ll make poor I look ILL.”

To stop this stunt J stood in front,

And presto! ILL was JILL.

“U know,” said V, “that W

Is twice the age of me.

For as a Roman V is five

I’m half as young as he.”

X and Y yawned sleepily,

“Look at the time!” they said.

“Let’s all get off to beddy byes.”

They did, then “Z-z-z.”

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